Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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