We're like a lot better than the average bears
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
