The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
