the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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