Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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