Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
