Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
