I wish i was in the wii world.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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