you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Randomize
