I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
