haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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