Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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