Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
