it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
