I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
