Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Even my vagina gasped.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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