How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
