i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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