The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
