Non-Jews are for practice
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
