I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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