Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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