You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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