the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He passed out mid-signature
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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