That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
