i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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