K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
