he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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