Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
