I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
