How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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