Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
