If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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