i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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