I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I need to align my fucking chakras
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
