If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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