i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
