You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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