i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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