1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
