she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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