I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
