I think I am morally bankrupt
two words...techno handjob
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
