I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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