She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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