she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
