Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
