Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
did you just send me my own nude
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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