Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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