i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
