I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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