Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
