YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
