you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
