i think my tv is drunk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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