yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
