I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
