I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
