Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
