he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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