It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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