An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
