Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
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