If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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