I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
