goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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