just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Randomize
