I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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