I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
it's great music for shaving your balls
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
