i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
