we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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