dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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