you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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