dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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