did you get engaged???
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
