take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
