I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
