God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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