I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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