if i can run in heels then i can drive
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
