he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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