Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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