I'm lost and stupid without you.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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