so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
