TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
