I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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