Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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